Are you ready to discuss the Third Tool from Phil Stutz and Barry Michels? To be honest, their explanation of this Tool confused me a bit, so I will try to simplify it and hopefully clarify it at the same time.
The Third Tool they call Inner Authority. This Tool is used to help in those moments when we lack confidence which causes us to freeze up and feel uncomfortable in certain situations. Let's paint a little picture, and I want you to think about how you would react. Close your eyes and imagine you are about to deliver a presentation to 100 people you don't know. Or imagine that you are entering an interview for a new position in a new company. Or think back to the time that you met your in-laws for the first time. All of these situations could easily make the average person uncomfortable. The purpose of the third Tool is to overcome the intimidation in these situations so that you can feel comfortable being yourself.
Remember, being yourself will almost always give you the best chance at success!
That feeling of unwavering confidence is the goal of using Tool #3. The goal may seem simple, but the path to reaching it is more challenging. The unease we feel in those situations is most likely due to our insecurities. Stutz and Michels call for us to use what they call "The Shadow." The concept of The Shadow is not something that they created, this concept has been around since Carl Jung introduced it the 1940's. To find your Shadow, visualize what the embodiment of those negative traits that make us feel insecure would look like. Stutz describes his Shadow as a "young, skinny version of myself - innocent, fearful, and deeply ashamed." That version of himself was not an authority on anything. He feared that that is how people would view him.
The authors assert that in these stressful situations we are so busy trying to hide The Shadow from others that it prevents us from being authentic in who we are.
Take a moment to acknowledge the existence of your Shadow. Remember that the things that the negative things that you envision are likely only visible to you. Once you realize that no one else even sees those negative things, take a moment to realize that you are not alone.
Everyone has a Shadow.
Over time, you will become more comfortable with the existence of your Shadow. As you learn to accept it's presence in your life, it will gradually lose power and you will grow more comfortable with being authentically you, in any situation.
